Newsletter: Turning your shadow into a mirror

Today, I'm excited to share a personal insight that surfaced during an all-day men's workshop I attended this past weekend, hosted by Men's Circle, an organisation close to my heart.

As we delved into exploring our shadows, the facilitator posed a challenging question:

"Think of a man you hate"

My initial reaction was defensive. 

The 'nice guy' in me immediately thought…

"I don't hate anyone; that's a strong word" 

My spiritual side chimed in…

"Even the worst men are shaped by their past, who am I to judge?"

But then, I caught myself—there was ego in my judgement of the question, the facilitator, and anyone who might easily answer. 

Once I dropped my judgments, I got creative:

"Well, I truly hate King Joffrey from Game of Thrones” 

(We’ve just started watching Game of Thrones)

For those unfamiliar, King Joffrey is a spiteful, cowardly young king, lost in his ego, misusing his power. 

The exercise pushed us to explore how the traits of our chosen man might reflect in us.

Admittedly, I was resistant. 

“How could I share any qualities with King Joffrey?” 

Upon reflection, I realised it was fear speaking. 

Deep down, I fear being selfish, self-serving, and manipulative.

Without getting into my mummy and daddy issues here, this shadow aspect of myself, likely rooted in well-intentioned messages from childhood, has subtly influenced my life. 

I’ve sometimes hesitated to accept praise, worried about being perceived as selfish when I wasn't, and even felt unlovable.

It’s hard to write this because I don’t consciously move through my life attached to these beliefs. 

But when I move into deep self-enquiry, I notice where they have influenced how I show up.

So, you see, as we shine a light on our shadow, it transforms into a revealing mirror. 

Through this mirror, we see that what provokes a strong reaction in us is often a reflection of something within ourselves, or perhaps something we fear resides within us.

Here’s some questions to support you to self-reflect: 

• What traits in others trigger strong reactions in you, and what might this reveal about your own shadows?

• How do your deepest fears influence your actions and self-perception?

• In what ways can confronting these hidden aspects of yourself lead to greater authenticity and freedom?

As the session wrapped up, the facilitator playfully suggested we envision our shadows as obedient wolves, each sitting loyally beside us, tethered by long chains—subtly continuing our Game of Thrones theme

As we closed the workshop, someone shouted: 

"Now that we've met our shadows, let’s remember to laugh with them too!" 

It reminded me that while exploring our inner depths can be profound, it also allows us to lighten the load by acknowledging our shared humanity.

Be well, 

Graham

P.S. Mens Circle is a fantastic organisation supporting men to simply be better. If you’re a man doing the work check them out. If you love a man that is doing the work, share this with them.