Lean into discomfort and embrace joy

Last week I went for my second ever pedicure, courtesy of my wife Sarah, to celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. 

I’m all about self care - pedicures are a new one - they’re growing on me. 

At the start of the experience, the exceptional professional thoughtfully guided me through the preparation by asking if I was ticklish. 

‘I guess we’re about to find out’ I responded. 

My face clearly betrayed me as she went on to offer instructions on how to handle the tickling sensation. 

‘Distract yourself by moving the toes on the other foot, move your fingers and hum a tune in your head’ she advised.  

All great advice. It struck me that this helpful advice was a product of our culture. 

• Before I go on, I want to be clear, I’m not criticising the professional or the organisation…
  

• Firstly, it was sound advice.
  

• Secondly, I understand from Sarah, who is exceptionally passionate about these matters, that Cowshed offers the finest pedicure experience in London. 
  

• Where is your favourite pedicure experience? Hit reply and let me know! Can Cowshed be topped?!
  

Now, back to my story. 

We live in a culture that offers a seemingly constant and endless array of distractions to prevent us from feeling discomfort. 

Ever catch yourself reaching for the phone when you feel frustration about a long queue?

Ever notice that you put your headphones on the moment you stop and stand still at the train station? 

Ever spotted how hard it is to simply sit with strong emotions like despair, helplessness, frustration?

If you answered yes, me too! If you answered no, what's your secret?? Do share! 

I get plenty of practice stepping into uncomfortable feelings with my mens circle, my coach and other professionally facilitated spaces. 

Practising this in real time is still a work in progress and I suspect always will be. 

As for the pedicure, I chose the hard road that leads to the easy destination. 

I went into the discomfort and felt into the sensations of the tickling as much as I could. 

I created as much awareness around the physical sensations as I could. 

I observed the thoughts and feelings that arose as closely as I could. 

Other than a couple of minor flinches and a moment when I nearly burst into laughter, I handled it well. 

I noticed the more I learned into the discomfort, the more comfortable the experience became.

There is certainly some lightheartedness to this experience. 

It’s also a framework to practise feeling discomfort and sitting with it. 

In his latest bestseller, The Myth of Normal, renowned physician Gabor Mate refers to studies linking repressed emotions to anxiety, depression, cancer, heart disease, respiratory infections, autoimmune issues and many more modern health affiliations. 

Feeling the feels is never the easiest thing. 

My take is we either feel it while it’s happening, or we feel it later, sometimes when we least expect it. 

Given our culture, practising feeling into discomfort is certainly swimming upstream, so go easy on yourself. 

Start small like with micro frustrations at long queues or traffic (or in the pedicure chair) and build your way up. 

Practices such as meditation, journaling and breathwork all help to increase self awareness and mindbody connection. 

Enjoy the work, and be fearless! 

Graham