10 Things I’ve Learned After 10 Years of Inner Work

Last week, a memory from a decade ago popped up on my Google Photos—a snapshot of the first car I was proud to own (okay, lease, but still!). 

As I reflected on that time, I realised that my journey of awakening began with that little BMW, more than I could have imagined.

Let me take you back to that time…

I bought the car primarily to make it to my 7 AM tee times at the golf club I’d just joined. Little did I know, it would lead me somewhere far more profound.

Each time I left the golf course, I’d tune into a radio show hosted by one of my favourite comedians. He’d dive into topics like spirituality, mindfulness, mysticism, and meditation—subjects that were entirely new to me.

Intrigued, I followed his podcast, where he explored these topics in greater depth. Through it, 

I discovered the teachings of spiritual giants like Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra, and Michael Singer, alongside self-development gurus such as Tony Robbins, Robin Sharma, and Brené Brown.

As I delved deeper into this world, I became obsessed with self-development. Over the years, I’ve invested thousands of hours in books, podcasts, and courses, and tens of thousands of pounds with life coaches, business coaches, relationship coaches, therapists, group coaching programs, and men’s circles.

Here are 10 things I’ve learned about self-development, transformation, growth, healing, and awakening:

1. There’s a season for diving deep into self-work and a season for simply living. Know when to invest in healing and when to let yourself rest. There is a time to sow and a time to reap.

   
   

2. No one outside of you holds all the answers. Real transformation happens in the

   privacy of your own heart.

   
   

3. Thoughts are actions in themselves. Address and reframe self-critical, judgmental thoughts or accept the consequences of their impact on your life.

   
   

4. True belonging demands vulnerability. It requires showing the parts of yourself you fear others will judge, but that’s the only way to connect deeply.

   
   

5. Healing has no defined boundaries. It’s a journey, not a destination, so be open to wherever it leads you.

   
   

6. All self-development tools—therapy, coaching, meditation—work until they don’t. 

   Recognize when it’s time to mix things up, combine modalities or move on.

   
   

7. Growth often means facing uncomfortable truths about yourself. True healing comes from loving even the parts you’d rather hide.

   
   

8. Trust your process. There’s no one-size-fits-all timeline for growth. Your journey is as unique as your fingerprint, so trust it.

   
   

9. The issues you don’t address will inevitably affect those around you. Hurt people hurt people; healed people heal people.

   
   

10. Real transformation lies in unlearning destructive habits and thoughts that hold you back, making room for your true potential.

As I look back, I see how each lesson has shaped my journey and continues to guide me. 

The process of self-discovery and growth is ongoing, and it’s not always easy. 

There are moments of challenge and uncertainty, but each step forward, however small, brings us closer to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

Whether you’re just starting your journey or have been on this path for years, remember that every insight and lesson contributes to your growth.

I’d love to hear about your own experiences. 

What lessons have you learned on your journey of self-development? What challenges have you faced, and how have they shaped your path? 

Let’s continue this conversation and support each other as we navigate our individual journeys toward growth and transformation.

With Love, 

Graham

Last week Google Photos reminded me it’s been exactly 10 years since I bought the first car I was proud to own (lease, lol).

I was reflecting on that period of my life and realised that little BMW kick started my journey of awakening.

A little back story….

I invested in car so I could get to the golf club I’d just joined for my 7am tee time on Sundays

It so happened that at the exact time I was leaving the golf course one of my favourite comedians was starting a radio show.

He would talk about spirituality, mindfulness, mysticism, meditation, therapy etc etc. 

All topics that were completely new to me.

He advertised a podcast where he would dive deep on these topics

I began to listen. 

I started exploring the work of his podcast guests. 

Great spiritual teachers like Ekhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and Michael Singer. 

Self development gurus like Tony Robbins, Robin Sharma, and Brene Brown

As I dove deeper into this world I became obsessed with self development. 

In the years since then I have invested thousands of hours in self development books, podcasts and courses and tens of thousands of pounds with life coaches, business coaches, relationship coaches, therapists, group coaching programs and men's circles.

Here’s 10 things I’ve learned since then about self-development, transformation, growth, healing and awakening: 

• There is a time to sow and a time to reap. Know when to dive in, commit, invest, go deep into your wounds and see what you find there. Also know when to pull back, take a break from healing and self development and just enjoy life. 

• No one is your guru. If you think you’ve found the coach, therapist, person, book, podcast that is going to change everything and ‘save’ you, think again. Any meaningful change is done in the privacy of your own heart.   

• Your thoughts are actions. Self-critical, judgemental and draining thoughts are actions. Either commit to challenging and reframing your thoughts, or be prepared to accept the consequences of being consistently exposed to them. 

• Vulnerability is the cost of belonging. The opposite of belonging is fitting in. In order to feel like we belong, we must show parts of ourselves we fear being judged. 

• Healing is a puzzle with no outer edges. If you frame your healing journey within certain boundaries you are limiting your possibility for growth and setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s a path to be walked.  

• Every self-development modality has its benefits and its limitations. Therapy, coaching, breathwork, meditation, group work. They all work, until they don’t. Know when to mix it up and when to move on. 

• You may not like what you learn about yourself. If we could shame ourselves into healing, the process would be much easier. True growth is loving our parts we judge most critically. 

• Trust your process. There is no fixed timeline for growth, healing, development or awakening. Your journey is as unique as your fingerprint, trust it. 

• You will pass on the shit you don’t deal with. To family, friends, loved ones, children. Hurt people hurt people. Healed people heal people. Sorry about this one - it hurts me too.

• True transformation is about unlearning, not learning. Unlearning destructive thoughts, patterns, habits and ways of being that limit our potential.